Insert Ridiculously Appropriately Meaningful Kanji Here
by complexities
Summary: An Anti-Cliche and Mary-Sue Elimination Society fic. A new Society member confronts a Mary-Sue in the Vampire Knight fandom. Can the rookie prove that she has what it takes to be a full agent by completing her training mission?


**Disclaimer: **I don't own anyone or anything except for Lela, Karissa, Charis and the idea of Bookmarks. In the future, all Society agents are free to add a Bookmark to their standard inventory, if they wish.

...

She saw a room full of swirling dust particles that hadn't yet fully settled. More dust innocuously coated every inch of the floor; however, the motes didn't seem in some way...natural. She took another pass at the window, coming closer to the building, and this time her keen owl's eyes picked out what wasn't really dust but rather what remained of maybe half a dozen vampire bodies.

Maria Kurenai's eyes widened.

There was a man standing in the room, amidst the debris, and Maria's gaze grew even more intense when she saw that she recognized the person. Maria broke off from the vision in fright, and she slumped back into her chair, still clutching at her owl's feather. _Back at the school... I remember having seen that person before, when I looked in between the cracks of Shizuka-sama's consciousness as she was in my body... That person is..._

Aloud, Maria cried, "The council elders, they... Father! Mother! Something terrible has happened! Kaname-sama has..." Killed them all. She couldn't bring herself to say the words. Still, Maria ran out into the hall, fully prepared to break the devastating news to her parents. She ran into her father first.

"Maria, whatever is the matter?"

"Kaname-sama," she repeated breathlessly, before bracing herself to complete the rest of her sentence.

"Hush. No need. I already know, child." Maria stopped short in surprise at her father's words. "I just received the news from our guest, here." Maria peered around her father's form in order to find the girl that stood in his shadow.

She was beautiful, but that wasn't half of it.

T_T_T_T_T_T

Lela Persim Spica Clover Ginger Sarah Minnie Ono-Kuran.

All you had to do was speak her name, and suddenly anyone worthy of a reputation in vampire society could tell you all about her.

Lela had emerged onto the vampires' social scene shortly after the rumour began to spread that Kaname Kuran had killed the Council of Ancients, and just before the infamous incident that later took place at the Cross Academy. She'd claimed to know the truth behind the happenings even before it was revealed that the two episodes had ever occurred. Lela had earnestly explained that as a result of so much in-breeding in Pureblood families, Kaname Kuran had quite simply become insane.

When set against the facts, he _had_ been seen to kill the Council; Sara Shirabuki, another Pureblood, was reported to have kidnapped Takuma Ichijo from beside the deathbed of his grandfather (and no one had been able to find the aristocrat, although mind you, Lela herself hadn't tried yet); and then, Rido Kuran and Shizuka Hio were other classic examples of Purebloods gone mad.

When questioned about how she knew so much, Lela admitted that her wealth of information stemmed from the fact that she was a Pureblood as well. However, she was only half a Pureblood, by virtue of the human lover her mother had taken in order to conceive Lela. And she wasn't half as manipulative as a full Pureblood, society had discovered, because only her father had raised her until his death. Her mother had died in childbirth, leaving Lela bereft of the more harmful vampiric influences until she reached her teens. Following her confession, Lela had wept a single miniscule tear, and before it finished its course down her face everyone's doubts about her lineage had fallen away.

With all society's eyes on her, Lela had proclaimed, "Kaname-san might be out of his mind – and therefore blameless – but he's nonetheless dangerous." Within a day of her startling debut, she convinced the aristocrats that the majority of the race of Purebloods must be disposed of, if only for safety's sake. In the wake of the Council's death, she proposed it might be better for vampires to welcome the return of the monarchy. The ruler of all vampires had to be of sound mind and judgement, with the ability to command and create respect through intimidation if necessary.

It should come as no surprise that Lela volunteered for the weighty role. Lela was half-Pureblood, so she had the required authority to keep lesser vampires in check, but she had none of the supposedly bad blood associated with truly pure blood, so of course she made an ideal ruler. Rido and Shizuka were already dead (coincidentally, Lela's mother was one of Rido's illicit progeny) so all that was left to do was put out a warrant for the arrest of Kaname Kuran, Yuuki Kuran and Sara Shirabuki, the last-known remaining Purebloods.

While vampire society sorted itself into a more orderly fashion under Lela's regime, the Hunter Association sent a representative to demand answers from the vampires' leader, and Lela dealt admirably with the spokesperson that came literally to her door. Zero Kiryu was a fine, upstanding twin-vampire-hunter-of-an-excellent-lineage-who-become-a-vampire-and-carried-the-blood-of-three-purebloods. If he hadn't fallen in love with Lela at first sight, no doubt her ability to think logically combined with an impressive vocabulary still would have won him over in the end. As it was, only the second day that Lela became known to vampires everywhere, she and Zero Kiryu were engaged. In the event of their marriage humans and vampires would be united in a way previously unimagined.

T_T_T_T_T_T

The interior of the room was dark, but that proved to be no difficulty for the superior night vision of Zero Kiryu. His pale lavender eyes easily penetrated the shadows, and as he stepped closer and closer he could make out the slender, robust figure of his soul mate Lela. Her striking iris eyes met his without hesitation, and she even wore a smile. Lela always maintained a cheerful attitude towards life, despite her numerous responsibilities. He thought that was perhaps the reason he'd first fallen in love with her.

Zero drew Lela forward, gently, and he was the one to initiate the kiss. His lips touched hers barely to begin with, and then abruptly the force with which their lips met increased dramatically. Lela's mouth came down harder upon Zero's own, and Zero could hear both their heartbeats pick up pace. Carried away, Zero moved lower to trail kisses down her chin and throat, and in a culmination of desire he then bit down on the soft skin in the hollow of her neck.

Lela exhaled in a sigh of ecstasy when Zero began to draw her blood into him, and in turn his lavender eyes darkened to a crimson colour to also mark his harvest. Zero revelled at the feel of blood – her blood, especially – in his mouth, but sometimes he couldn't help thinking that Lela's blood tasted...odd. It had all the warmth and consistency of blood that resided in any living being, but the unique flavour of this half-Pureblood could not be believed. It might have been the wrong word, but the description Zero thought of was surreal. Not real.

Almost immediately, Zero rebuked himself. Here he was stealing the essence right out of his loved one, and the monologue that flowed through his brain was a diatribe of complaints? Zero shook his head angrily, taking care not to damage Lela's skin as he did so. The movement caused his bangs to fall into his face for a moment, and when Zero next looked up, he and Lela were not alone in the room.

As if out of nowhere, a tall dark-headed girl fell to the floor by his feet. As she stood up, Zero caught a glimpse of her features, which hinted at being Asian but not Japanese. She was pale, and as if to accentuate that shade of skin, she wore a short red trenchcoat over a barely visible red skirt. The shoes she wore on her feet were impractical things, flats with a single strap that looped around each ankle.

The girl cursed. "Stupid Plothole! I never imagined that it would drop me through the ceiling!" She paused to brush the barest trace of dirt off of her clothes, before it struck her to check for others occupying the room. Consequently, when Karissa looked straight into the accusing glare of Zero Kiryu, it was with no defences in place at all. The hotness of his gaze immediately caused her to flush.

"Who are you?" he demanded. Karissa's stare continued right past his, out of fear, and when her eyes alighted on Lela's face – who had turned first to see why Zero stopped drinking from her, and second to ascertain the cause of the girl-falling-through-the-ceiling noise – her expression hardened. Only once she'd seen the Sue did she deign to answer.

"My name is Karissa, and I am a Rookie entering the Anti-Cliché and Mary-Sue Elimination Society. I'm here to arrest Lela Persim Spica Clover Ginger Sarah Minnie Ono-Kuran – and I seriously doubt you are a true Kuran, girl – for fandom defacement."

Lela and Zero took a minute to wrap their heads around the complex sentence contained within the Agent's statement, and then Lela's brow cleared and she snapped, "What evidence do you have of fandom defacement?"

"You've killed one of my favourite characters!"

"What? I haven't killed anyone in this fandom! Not yet."

"Well, you've driven Kaname into hiding, which amounts to the same! Sure, it's the perfect opportunity for him to let Yuuki reconcile with her vampire birthright – and at least, while in exile, Kaname is safe from your clutches - but now I rarely get to see him anymore! The last tankōbon that came out was all about YOU! That's how I knew that you were in this fandom."

Lela pursed her lips reflectively. "Brilliant deduction, Sherlock. Though, now that you're here, what makes you think that you can just take me in? You're merely a Rookie, and you sorely lack backup."

Karissa, unfazed, stuck a hand into the pocket of her coat, and she promptly pulled out a device no bigger than a stick of gum. It was made of dull but finished metal, and she could feel a surprising weight that belied its appearance. "I'm prepared for the chance that you might get away. But before you go, I'll make sure to use this!" With all her might, Karissa hurled the gadget at the Sue.

Lela blinked. Once. Twice. Then she smirked. In between her blinks, it appeared that the Agent's supposed weapon had disappeared. "What exactly was your contraption supposed to do?" she queried mockingly. She wasn't prepared for the fit of laughter that wracked the Society member's frame in response. Karissa's trembling index finger pointed up...up at her head. Self-conscious, Lela reached to check for any flyaway strands of hair, and instead she found _them_.

A pair of fuzzy, sickeningly cute but material puppy ears now stuck out from the sides of Lela's exquisitely coiffed head. "You've been dog-eared!" Karissa crowed. "My Bookmark has ensured that it won't be so easy for you to blend into another fandom with those things on your head. It will make it that much easier for me to find you again, if you should escape!"

Lela scowled, because the girl was right; she had short black hair, and that meant she couldn't simply hide the ears beneath more dark hair. "If you're prepared for me to run, I must not disappoint you," she growled, frustrated. With a running leap, Lela swerved past Karissa to jump into a skilfully conjured Plothole, and then she was gone.

Karissa, true to her word, seemed nonplussed at the loss of her target. With Lela's presence removed from this fandom, the universe of Vampire Knight should return to normal soon enough. As her last order of business, Karissa turned to the thoroughly bemused Zero and proceeded to give him a brisk hug.

"I like you too, Zero. I do. I just happen to think that Kaname should be with his sister – with Yuuki." Karissa's sad chestnut irises gave Zero a heartfelt look. "I wish you were able to find your own happiness, but I can't stop you from chasing after Yuuki, either. This is where I say goodbye." Without another word, Karissa executed an unsightly pirouette and disappeared through her own Portal.

T_T_T_T_T_T

"You didn't really try to apprehend the Sue, did you?" Tash, the ACMSE Society leader, made an irritated tsk'ing sound against her teeth.

"Well, I had countermeasures in place."

"Yes, but...normally Rookies exert a little more effort on their first mission."

Karissa grinned complacently. "I'm sure that with your Plot Summary, you'll find her in no time. Remember, I gave her dog ears. Worse than that, I gave her a cocker spaniel's ears, which will be a lot harder to hide than some perky little terrier's ears."

Tash allowed herself to chuckle. "I'll admit that was clever. The Society technicians grow wittier with time."

"The Bookmark was my sister's favourite invention. I can mention it to Charis that you liked it." Karissa was confident of her position, now that they'd moved on from the mission debriefing to pleasantries.

"I suppose I should say welcome, Karissa, the newest Agent of the Society. If you want to head to one of the kitchens to get something to eat, your Level 1 security clearance will allow you in them, and from this point on you'll be able to access any non black-listed fandoms in addition to the communal areas of the Library."

Swelling with pride, Karissa replied with, "Thank you, Tash."

However, the blonde shook off her thanks. "Don't thank me. Eat up and rest in bed, because your next assignment will come sooner than you think."

Karissa, secretly, didn't let the warning bother her.

...

**A/N:** Who knows if I'll contribute to another ACMSES story. I'm notoriously bad at finishing any kind of writing that I start, so maybe, maybe not. In any case, authors are free to use my characters in their own one-shots.

I wrote this mostly because I just HAD to do something to celebrate finishing reading every ACMSES fic today ^_^


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